prequel

some friends recently suggested we go back to the beginning when logging this journey to our new son.  that somewhere in print should exist the very miracle that brought us this far.  i considered that carefully and realized that some may not know of, or remember the amazing months that led up to our decision to adopt, aka the sequel...so, settle in if you care and take in the wonder of the story.  back to regularly scheduled programming soon.  First, in the interest of FULL DISCLOSURE~ up front i need to state that this prequel is loaded with evidence of God's miraculous grace and love in our lives.  he is present and real and unmistakably the main character in the story.  to leave that out would leave no real story to tell...reading further is purely optional...
our two year journey to Hudson stretched and amazed us and the steps to that special child were no less miraculous.  One of the aspects that blew us away was the incredible way Hudson just "fit" our family.  we were literally in awe.  this sweet Haitian child who overcame amazing odds arrived here in September 2006 and took off, thriving and growing and never stopping since.  the energy is....well, exhausting.  just keeping this real.  yet, even before he arrived home, as i got deeper into the world of adoption and became more and more aware of the massive needs in Haiti and worldwide, i began to wonder what God would have in store for our family after Hudson's adoption was complete.  i knew our trip to Haiti would change us and expand our world and take us places that were uncomfortable.  it did. 
after the initial months of transition and doctor's appointments and getting settled as a family of seven, i began to sense even more that something beyond "bringing Hudson home" was in store for our crew.  i started to pray more specifically about that.  we were open to what God's will would be, whether that was relocating, being the voice for orphans somehow and someway through a volunteer position, adopting again....we didn't know.  when the topic of another adoption would surface from time to time, Jeff and i were always on the same page with the idea that it would sure be special for Hudson to have a brother who shared his beautiful black skin and also the adoption connection.  someone who could relate to him one day in a unique way that his other siblings could not.  so he wouldn't feel like the odd one out, or an add-on.  because he most definitely was not.  during these discussions we'd inevitably get around to finances~ and quite simply, the necessary funds required to facilitate an adoption just weren't there.  in fact we were still paying off a portion of Hudson's adoption.  my dear, non-impulsive husband would remind me of this when my emotional desires were verbalized.  he was right.  100%.  he often is. (there, i said it)  i knew we were to be wise with our resources, and while i had no problem gradually paying off the small loan we'd incurred while processing the steps of Hudson's adoption, i agreed that it wouldn't be prudent to embark on another adoption in such a state.  this didn't change my sense that God still had something up his sovereign sleeve, and my passion for orphan care and all things related continued to stir my heart and cause me to wonder more~ what's next? 
in the fall of 2007 and spring of 2008, i committed this "unrest, or restlessness" more seriously to prayer, particularly while i'd run the streets of our old neighbourhood.  some days i'd pray out loud, just asking and seeking, desiring to know God's heart as it related to our own small place in this world. i often sensed as though i was being called to "just wait".  that's it. during those years a few pivotal things happened that brought some more clarity in my own personal life.  i attended a spiritual gifts seminar.  this brought into clearer focus the realization that my passion for orphans was given by God and likely a fit with my individual giftedness.  not to be wasted, and not to be ignored.  also, our family attended our first Haitian Adoption gathering in Michigan with lots of great families who were larger than us in numbers, and happy and thriving.  we were not alone.  many of the families there testified to the joys and trials of being a transracial family.  as expected, my wheels were turning again.  actually, even our kids were asking that weekend "could we adopt again??" and "why can't we adopt again?"  we enlightened them on the expenses required to complete all the steps of an international adoption.  we compared it to a brand spankin' new minivan with a dvd player (which they'd been wanting).  the decision was unanimous.  they all preferred the idea of a new brother/sister instead.  surprised us a bit.  that same month we had the Watoto choir come for the first time to our church and the stories from Uganda as well as the beautiful children that stayed overnight with us, well~ i was a blubbering mess that weekend.  just ask Jeff.  soooooo moving.  all of this happened in the first five months of 2008.  i continued to run and pray and seek wisdom to know the difference between my crazy notions and God's plan.  i wanted to know his will and move in that direction only. 
on May 31st, 2008, a Saturday morning, the discussion came up again with our children at the breakfast table.  Jeff even said something about it being too bad we didn't know for sure the direction we'd be taking, because with Hudson being three it would be nice to know and get started seeing as the process was long and we'd love to have the kids close in age.  i remember feeling a tinge of excitement at his comment.  he definitely was open to it.  that evening, yes, that very evening i was running down Cathcart just before dark.  beautiful night.  birds chirping....(kidding....i have no recollection of that part...).  i said out loud (softly though, cuz i'm not totally weird) "God, i can't tell if this crazy notion i have is just my love for orphans, or if it is your will for our future.  you know what's best for our family.  i just want your will for our family, not my own, and i can't tell the difference..."  i ran home feeling peaceful and refreshed, and dreading the painting that awaited me in my kitchen.  i walked in the house and heard jeff on the phone upstairs.  i prepped my cabinets for paint, and after a few minutes decided to see what he was up to.  he was still on the phone.  the conversation sounded interesting.  he finally hung up, somewhat frazzled and stunned.  with due reason.  this is where the story gets really interesting...but of course, i need to let the suspense simmer for a bit before i write the conclusion.  besides, this is crazy long anyway and i'm probably down to just one reader by now.  hi mom!