self realignment

every few months, it seems, i need a slight tune-up of my perspective.  a "new renewed" view of my role.  a fresh take on this title i carry of "mom".  why so often?  good question....if i knew the reason maybe i wouldn't be in this situation to begin with....i may have even blogged about this before.  (no memory, remember??)  this is not new to me...same stuff, different day.
lately, as circumstances around me have come together, i'm once again caught in the hard place of evaluating my priorities.  the forces outside this home, this family unit~ well, they are pulling from all directions.  pulling for my time and energy and service.  pulling rather continuously and with a measure of determination.  basically, there are endless places for me to serve, in many good and worthwhile ways.  school, church, my community, just to name a few.  i live in a mentality of wanting to please, to be all things to all people...hahaha....NOT POSSIBLE!  the answer seems obvious~ even as i type the words, and so totally understandable...so, why the inner struggle?  as the options pour in, i begin to wage the inner war for balance in my life.  the tricky and precarious task of keeping the "plates spinning".  do i add another plate, do i take one away, do i spend more time on the ones already there, guided by my (hopefully but not always) steady hands?  the twinges of guilt remain.  probably always will.  yet i know very well my limits.  so, i continue to plug on...most days very content with my position and place in this season of life.  when i get bogged down with the possible ways i could be extending myself outside this home, i need these little "adjustments" of my focus.  first and foremost i am a daughter of the King~ called to love and be in relationship with my heavenly Father.  thankfully, my worth is immeasurable to Him~ and is not performance driven.  phewww....secondly, i am the wife and partner of a pretty fabulous (and cute and funny and smart) man.  this man needs me to be sane (always good! :)) and functioning well on the homefront.  he does not demand this of me, not even close.  but his ability to perform well at his many roles is aided by my centeredness here.  next in line on my priority list~ my dear kidlets....these precious ones i've been soooooooooo blessed to parent.  funny, because i would be so much more content to come to the end of my life and have felt as though i gave them my all, to the best of my ability..  it's easy to get off track on this third priority...so very easy.  after all, my investment with the kids is so difficult to measure.  and i like to measure results.  i'm kind of funny that way.  i want to see a fast return for my efforts.  i'm less into waiting twenty years for the "wow, they turned into reasonable adults!" moment...being a mom is so different than everything else that is enticing me.  i don't get paid, for one thing.  in fact, they pretty much suck me dry financially.  definitely no financial perks!  there is no volunteer "log book" where my hours are recorded and recognized in print.  no amazing reviews from patients who've benefited from my care (that's jeff)~ no gushy letters singing my praises (well, dear Layla does come through with some pretty gushy letters every so often, and they are purely delightful except when she feels the need to constantly refer to my death, like "i'll miss you so much when you die......"  yah, thanks for the brutal honesty Lay)...anyway, the point is this~  being a mom is hard work.  often exhausting and never ending.  yet~ without a doubt i believe it is the highest calling i'll ever have in my lifetime.  i need to remind myself of this when so many really good distractions tend to draw me away.  i don't want to be so stretched that i miss the joy right before my eyes.  i want to be present, cherishing and savouring these days.  everyone knows their own limits, and everyone is capable of different things.  for me, this little "pep talk to self" is necessary every so often.   so, consider it just that.  realignment complete.  sorry if you've been bored by my rambles.  i'll resume usual AJ news soon...